Here There Be Vampires
by Jade Tyger
Summary: Sequel to 'Cult of the Peppy Dark Fan Girls'. Spike and Angel return to Worfam and heart with their (newly formed) vampire girls; things will never be the same at the law firm. Complete randomness, strange humour, and Spike! Spike! What more can I say?
1. Default Chapter

Chapter 1. Welcome t'Hell Love  
  
Disclosure: Don't own any claims nor rights or any other legal crap of the television   
  
show Angel. Nope.  
  
A/N: Yes! This is it chillin's! The sequel to B's 'Cult of the Peppy Dark Fan Girls'!   
  
Read, laugh, cry, and review!!!  
  
Tyger opened her eyes and saw Spike smirking over her.  
  
"Hello love, y're up then."  
  
"Oh, my aren't YOU the smart one! Help me up will ya'?"  
  
Spike caught her by the hand and pulled Tyger up; "Welcome t'hell, love."  
  
"WHAT!?!" Tyger stared to pass out.  
  
"well, the closest thing to it in my opinion. This is Worfam and Heart."  
  
A man in a wrestling mask pushed a cart of mail by and looked at the two vampires   
  
strangely.  
  
"Same t'you buddy!" shouted Tyger; she lunged at the man but Spike stopped her.  
  
"as! You never let me have any fun Spikey!"  
  
Spike sighed and dragged Tyger down several, corporate-looking, halls. "How's 'bout we   
  
bug tall, blond, and brooding, love?"  
  
Tyger perked up at the chance to tease her Spikey's rival. She laughed evilly, which drew   
  
more stares, while shouting "lead the way!"  
  
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B's jaw dropped at the lavishly decorated room. "You LIVE here?1"  
  
"Well, not here specifically. This is just my office."  
  
B grinned, "CAN I see your room?"  
  
"Uh…" Angel tried to think of an excuse when Wes, Gun, Lorin, and Fred burst through   
  
the doors.   
  
"Where have you been? I've been running scan's all over the city for five days!"   
  
Lorin's eyes went wide, "your HAIR. It's so… blond1"  
  
Angel ducked his head in embarrassment. "Well…ah…"  
  
"He did it because he wanted t," said B, "can't a vampire dye his hair without people   
  
having panic attacks?"  
  
Gun pointed at b, "who's she?"  
  
Annoyed, b folded her arms and glared, "I'm his girlfriend!"   
  
Angel winced and slapped his forehead, could things get any worse?  
  
"Beeeeeeeeee!" Tyger bounded into the office with Spike in tow, "Spike says we're in   
  
purgatory!"  
  
A/N: Okydoky, I posted! See! Everyone can be happy now and not kill me. Ah! My   
  
sweet, sweet internet…heehee, yeah, I'll just go start on the next chapter. 


	2. The Half of It

Chapter 2. The Half of It.  
  
Angel was finally able to get everyone to sit down without any-serious-harm.  
  
"All right," said Wes, "let's start at the beginning."  
  
"As opposed to what,' b mumbled, "the end?" "I'm not sure how Spike an I got to where   
  
we did,"  
  
"Oh yes you do you wanker," spike interrupted, "we were having it out over Eve."  
  
Tyger leapt off of the leather sofa where she and spike sat. "And just what WERE you   
  
two fighting about, may I ask?"  
  
"Yeah, angel," said b, "I thought you hated her!"  
  
Angel brought a finger to his lips; Tyger rolled her eyes. "Oh please! Pardon my French   
  
but..Who gives a shit if 'Miss Perky Evilness' IS listening! Let her eavesdrop, I'll   
  
dropkick her skinny ass! (A/N: Sorry Merry)  
  
"Actually, we thought that she was behind the attack and impersonation of Wes's dad,"   
  
quipped Fred.   
  
"Can I continue?" Angel shot Tyger a glare and she went silent.  
  
"Anyways, we were fighting and the amulet glowed and the next thing I know is that   
  
we're being hit by a truck."  
  
"Yeah, um, sorry about that Angel."  
  
"S'okay B. We tracked the girls, and well, here we are."  
  
Lorin smiled at B and Tyger, "Since angel forgot to properly introduce us, I'm   
  
Lorin. What're your names?"  
  
"I'm B, well, actually it's just part of my nickname."  
  
"BlondieBitchLeggyLassPansyManLover!" Tyger shouted.  
  
"And, ah, that's Jade Tyger. We can never settle on Jade or Tyger."  
  
"Neither can she," spike mumbled.  
  
Lorin nodded, "This is the rest of the gang…"  
  
"Fred, Gun, Wes," chimed B and Tyger, "we know!"  
  
"You do?"  
  
Tyger laughed and wrung her hands, "we know EVERYTHING."  
  
"Oh really?" Wes cocked an eyebrow.  
  
'Sure," B said in a know-it-all tone, "remember when you first came to sunydale? You   
  
had a small thing for Cordillia."  
  
All eyes tuned to the ex-watcher who had turned an interesting shade of red and purple.  
  
"Th…that was years ago! I was a young watcher, IT WAS ONE DAY!"   
  
"Oh! And that aint even the half of it boy-chick." Tyger bounded up and down then fell   
  
onto the couch.  
  
"Is… is she all right?" gun poked Tyger's arm.  
  
Spike lay her down on the couch, "Her sugar high wore off. She'll wake up in a while."  
  
Responses (which were very few. Glares at Cornelius.):  
  
B: ^_^ You reviewed! Yes, I read the moron's review. Guess mines not up   
  
yet…hehe…^_^' 


	3. Crash Courses

Spike: Well it's about bloody time.  
  
Tyger: Oh give me a break ok? I've had midterms, you, work, Pookie, chores, scholarship entries, and not to mention four other stories to take care of.  
  
Spike: And your point is…?  
  
Tyger: Just do my disclaimer ok?  
  
Spike: Ok love, but just this once,   
  
My love Jade Tyger doesn't own any rights to 'Angel' nor to anything that Gun's little lawyer friends can sue her for.  
  
Chapter 3. Crash Courses.  
  
While Tyger recuperated, Angel gave B a quick crash-course in being a vampire.   
  
"All right B, rule number one is this: Don't go out in the sun."  
  
"Unless you have scientific windows that are magically enhanced," said B  
  
Angel smiled, "Well, we're special."  
  
"Just like everyone else!"  
  
*I think I just made another Dru*  
  
"Rule number two: Stay away from sharp-pointy-wooden-objects."  
  
"That it?"  
  
"Pretty much."  
  
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Tyger sighed and fiddled with one of the swords on Angel's office wall. "I'm hungry, Spike. When d'we eat?"  
  
"Y're not hungry Kitten; y're bored. Vampires don't get the munchies."  
  
"Tyger made a pouty face, imitating a young child. "Oh yes I am! There's a rumbly in my tumbly."  
  
"Oh bloody hell, don't ye' know the difference between hunger and cold?"  
  
"No. Is there a difference?"  
  
"See now, HUNGER is this blood-sucking rage; an insatiable need for violence and killing. COLD… cold is like… emptiness."  
  
"Like me not having a duster?"  
  
Spike frowned. Confused. "What are you talking about?"   
  
"Oh come on Spike. Isn't it, like, a birth-right for a vampire to have a black duster?"  
  
Before Spike could answer, Tyger stole the jacket off of his back and ran out of Angel's office; squealing triumphantly.   
  
"Bloody hell Tyger get back 'ere!"  
  
Lorin had just finished his appointments when he saw a girl with short dark burnet hair tearing through the lobby; trailing a long dark coat and closely pursued by Spike, a girl with long blond hair, and Angel.  
  
"Give it back Tyger!"  
  
"Over my dead body!"  
  
The blond frowned, "You're already dead!"  
  
"Nuh uh!"  
  
The green man smiled in amusement, *That must be B and Tyger that Angel and Spike brought back.*   
  
The burnet ran across the newly waxed floor and started to fall.   
  
Lorin rushed forward and caught the girl before she could hit her head. "Are you ok?" asked the green-skinned red-horned man.  
  
"Y…y…you…" her eyes were wide with fear. "SPIKE HE'S TOUCHING ME!!!"  
  
The vampire grabbed his duster, then Tyger. "Serves you right for steeling my stuff, love."  
  
Tyger hid behind Spike and glared at Lorin who chose to ignore the daggers being wished upon him.  
  
"What's the trouble Angel?"  
  
"Tyger stole Spike's duster then B saw and became jealous."  
  
Tyger stuck her tongue out at B. B vamped out.   
  
"They…they're vampires!" Lorin's eyebrows raised in surprise.  
  
"No shit Sherlock" mumbled B.  
  
"This is bad, very bad." Lorin shook his head.  
  
"Hey," Tyger snapped, "We're souled so ya' don't have t' worry about us going out into LA and draining it."  
  
"Oh I'm not worried about that my dear. It's unheard of for a vampire to walk around without a black duster."  
  
B and Tyger cocked their heads as Lorin whipped out his phone and pushed the speed dial.   
  
"We need to get these two shopping a.s.a.p. Hello, Chico? It's Lorin. I've got two young vampire ladies who are without dusters." A pause. "Yes, yes I know. That's why I called you. You will? Wonderful. We'll be down in five minutes."  
  
A/N: Wee! Y'all happy that I updated? Of course you are. I have to thank LalaithoftheBruinen for helping me with this chapter. Rum, cookies, gasoline and all those happy things that she likes.  
  
Don't worry B I haven't forgotten you. I've gotta thank you for allowing me to do the sequel and being my muse. 


	4. Dusters and Chico

Disclaimer: Look, although I've been "dead" for a while doesn't mean that I've TOTALLY forgotten that I don't own Angel and neither should you people.

A/N: Yes, yes, I'm a terrible horrible awful person for updating but my internet sources have been…cut off for a while and I'm using Lalaith's happy happy computer.

THANK YOU LALAITH! OH… You're sitting right here next to me. Sorry about yelling in y're ear.

Spike: GET ON WITH IT!

"No! No duster is worth THIS!"

Tyger was clinging to the car door with four fingers as B, Lorin, Angel and 'Chico' tried to pull her into the clothing store. 

"Can't I just by one off of e-bay?"

Chico- a man with a ghetto accent- shrieked with horror. "My virgin ears! Oh say it isn't so, a girl who refuses to shop."

"Bull shit," hissed B. "No man named 'Chico' is a virgin.

            Spike smirked from the shadows, his voice highlighted with pride, "That's the Tyger I know and love."

"Would you stop making wise-cracks and help us already" sad B.

Spike sauntered over to Tyger and whispered in her ear; she let go of her death hold on the SUV, sending B, Angel, Lorin, and Chico flying back onto the pavement in a tangled heap.

"C'mon B, let's go!" Tyger pulled B out of the dog pile.

"What'd he say, Tyger?"

Tyger shook her head as she and B searched for the perfect jacket. "Not telling."

"Ah com on Tyger, you can tell me."

"I can't hear you, lalalalala, lalalalala, lalalalala."

After an hour of trying on dusters, B and Tyger finally found what they needed.

            Angel, of course, paid for everything.

B hugged Angel as he handed Chico his credit card, "Money isn't everything," she proclaimed, "but it sure helps." (Yeah yeah, corny. So kick me.)

Tyger rolled her eyes, "That's what they all say."

A/N: Yes, a quickie. And my reviewers have read this before but…ah… I gotta go. Bye!


	5. Moving on and in

A.N.: I'M BACK BABY!

Spike: (tackles Tyger to the floor)

B: (Smothers Angel in kisses) ME TOO!

A big shout out to the four minds and B for waiting so patiently for me to update. They tried to put me in Internet re-hab. but I escaped!

Chapter 5. Moving On and In.

"Spike, this is ridiculous." Tyger stumbled out of the elevator, spikes hands over her eyes.

"Just ...bear with me kitten." the vampire nudged an apartment door open and guided Tyger in.

"Bears don't have kitties, they have cubs."

"Ok," spike took his hands away, "open 'em."

Tyger opened her eyes to see a tiny, dingy, dark, apartment. The paint was peeling, the carpet was a moldy orange, and the ceiling was like the crumbling remains of bad cheese.

"Spikey! I love it!" She hugged her fellow vampire, "No more stuffy offices and ticked-off Angel for you, eh?"

She skipped away to investigate the rest of the apartment. "Wish that i was that lucky. Where'd you get the money to buy a great place like this?"

"Tha's why I brought y'here Ty, I want you to move in wit' me."

Tyger stopped bouncing on the remains of what was once a couch; "What?"

"Well, I still need y're help in getting that prophecy an' all and it'll get...lonely...with out you."

The vampiress blinked, not answering.

"Kitten?"

"Aw, you're so cute Spikey." she kissed his cheek. "Let's go get drinks to celebrate the liberation of my favorite un-dead vampire!" Tyger dragged Spike out of the apartment, squealing about alcoholic concoctions."

"Ty, you didn't answer my question."

She grinned, "You'll get your answer at the end of the night. Now, since I'm new to Cali-for-nia I want to have, SAAAAAKKKKIIIIIIII!"

Just before sunrise, Spike stumbled up the stairs with Tyger helping him to walk in a straight line.

"Oh! One saki, two saki three saki...c'mon Tyty,"

"Floor," muttered Tyger as she fumbled for the apartment key.

"Nooo, like you mean it!"

Tyger growled.

"I'll pound your face into this sun-warmed floor if you don't shut up Spike."

"Y're not a happy drunk Tyty."

"I'm not drunk, you are."

"Oh! Right," Spike winked devilishly, "Sshhh. Can't wake the landlord."

Tyger pounded on the door in frustration. Spike had proved to love the saki far more then Tyger and he was a very vocal drunk. Not to mention he couldn't walk a straight line to save his un-dead life and, the sun was coming up in the window across the apartment door.

"This is terrible, I'm going to die, again, with a drunk vampire."

"Ah, it's not so bad milady." Spike wrapped his other arm around Tyger's neck. "Dyin' with you wouldn't be so bad." he leaned Tyger back against the apartment door, "one last kiss for the road love."

As he tilted his pale face in for, what promised to be the best thing that ever happed to Tyger in her undead life, and she closed her eyes...the apartment door collapsed behind them and sent the two vampires falling onto the moldy floor.

"Welcome home!" Shouted B. "oh," she looked at Spike and Tyger.

"B!" exclaimed Spike. "You're here too? We can have a-" SLAP.

Tyger growled up at Spike, "Don't _even_."

"Yeah," B dragged the lovers away from the sun's rays and propped up the door into the frame. "Don't even go there Spike."

Spike gave a pouty look then rolled off of Tyger who, along with B, dragged Spike to his bed.

"Tyty,"

"Yes?"

"When are you going to answer me?"

"About what?" asked B.

"Moving in. He wants me to move in with him."

"Are you?"

Spike's drunk eyes pleaded with Tyger and B sent waves of _'Move in! Move in! Move in! Moving moving moving, get that vampire movin' RAWHIDE!'_

"Sop giving me those looks! B! Stop with humming that cattle drive song! I already decided the answer when he asked me."

"Well?"

"Yes!"

Spike caught Tyger by the arm and pulled her down for a kiss.

"Damn it....I'm not....kiss...you when.....YOU'RE DRUNK!"

B was doubled over in tears of laughter at the sight of a drunk Spike trying to kiss Tyger who kept trying to stop him.

"Oh, by the way guys, I'm gonna need to move in here with you for a while."

Both of the vampires stopped their fight.

"Yeah! A Threesome!"

"Spike!" Tyger lunged to bite the vampire.

B crawled out of the bedroom, gasping for air in another fit of laughter.

A.N.: Yes it was perverted, a little. But...well...I've always had a sick sense of humor.


End file.
